24. If you carry less than a dollar on you at all times because that’s all you haveRate This Post :
10. Thought Dean would give the most dynamic concession speech
9. Howard Dean reminds him of Jimmy Dean, who makes them breakfast sausages
8. Only way to counteract freight-train success of Kucinich campaign
7. His support could get Dean popular vote, for what that’s worth
6. Judgement clouded by Melana not selecting Adam on “Average Joe”
5. Dean promised to totally be his best friend forever
4. Wants Howard Dean to do for America what he did for Vermont…whatever the hell that was
3. Maybe it was the eleven vodka gimlets
2. The dart hit Dean’s name
1. As a doctor, Dean has a legitimate excuse for fondling internsRate This Post :
What do Eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice?
Britney says her pregnancy hasn’t been easy however, she’s gets up every morning feels sick to her stomach and quite often throws up.
What a coincidence, most people who tune into her new TV show do the same exact thing.
-Rick FancyRate This Post :
“WOMEN SEEKING MEN” Classifieds translationsLight drinker means: LushLooks younger means: If viewed from far away in bad lightLoves Travel means: If you’re payingRate This Post :
I can only please one person per day. today is not your day. tomorrow is not
looking good either.
i love deadlines. i especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go
tell me what you need, and i’ll tell you how to get along without it.
accept that some days you are the pigeon and most days the statue.
needing someone is like needing a parachute. if he isn’t there the first time,
chances are you won’t be needing him again.
i don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
last night i lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and i thought to
myself, where the f*** is the ceiling?
my reality check bounced.
on the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
i don’t suffer from stress. i am a carrier.
you are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste
good with ketchup.
everyone is someone else’s weirdo.
never argue with an idiot. they drag you down to their level then beat you
a pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
don’t be irreplaceable – if you can’t be replaced, you won’t be promoted.
after any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than
you did before.
the more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
you can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.Rate This Post :
This guy goes to sperm bank to give a sample.So the girl At the front desk says to him. ” Thank you for coming.”Rate This Post :
Se encuentran dos habitantes de Tontilandia en la calle y uno ven�a caminando con las piernas arqueadas…
“�Hola, que tal?”
“Bien, pero ayer fui al medico y me dijo que ten�a el colesterol muy alto.”
“�Qu� tiene que ver el colesterol con caminar de esa forma?”
“Es que me dijo el m�dico que los huevos ni tocarlos.”Rate This Post :
News anchor Dan Rather, the Reverend Jesse Jackson, Today Show personality Katie Couric and an American Marine were hiking through the jungle one day when they were captured by cannibals.
They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief.
The chief said, “I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and eat you, do you have any last requests?”
Dan Rather said, “Well, I’m a Texan; so I’d like one last bowlful of hot, spicy chili.”
The chief nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, “Now I can die content.”
Jesse Jackson said, “You know, the thing in this life I am proudest of is my work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. So before I go, I want to sing “We Shall Overcome” one last time.”
The chief said, “Go right ahead, we’re listening.”
So Jackson sang the song, and then said, “Now I can die in peace.”
Katie Couric said, “I’m a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what’s about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.”
The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Katie dictated some comments. She then said, “Now I can die happy.”
The chief turned and said, “And now, Mr. Marine, what is your final wish?”
“Kick me in the ass,” said the Marine.
“What?” said the chief. “Will you mock us in your last hour?”
“No, I’m not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass,” insisted the Marine.
So the chief shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from his waistband, and shot the chief dead.
In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were dead or fleeing for their lives.
As the Marine was untying the others, they asked him, “Why didn’t you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?”
“What!?” said the Marine, “And have all you liberal poopers call ME the aggressor!?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman